Frustrated...but it could be worse

I really should know by now that trying to get a straight answer out of the healthcare system can be like trying to wring blood out of a stone.

I had hoped for a final decision at my long-awaited "Health Review" meeting yesterday. After all enough people were there - my GP, mental health therapist, supervisor, counsellor and various representatives from the University support services. Unfortunately, the key representative from the Department was on holiday. Which meant that I was never going to get a definite yes/no answer.

This is because there are two parts to my "return" - I have to be declared medically fit by the health services and then the Department has to decide whether it actually wants me back. Which apparently is not guaranteed by merely being 'medically fit'.

At least the first part could be deciced yesterday. But it took long enough. I felt like a criminal awaiting their sentence as I sat outside waiting to be invited in to join the discussion. As they talked on and on, my nerves mounted - it was way past the time they told me to come, clearly it wasn't straightforward.... a kind nurse noticed my distress and sat with me, filling me in on all the Olympic action I've missed (it's difficult to keep up when you don't have a telly!)

Finally I was allowed inside. After finding out that I couldn't be given a clear answer from the Department that day, the medical team gave their verdict. Apparently I haven't maintained my target BMI for long enough to be able to go back at the beginning of October (the earliest time I could have done) and that the best I can aim for is mid-November. IF the Department accept me. And only IF my weight doesn't dip in the slightest under the target BMI. So I am still under a cloud of uncertainty. Worse still, I left my job at the college in July so have nothing to keep me occupied (and earning) over October. What if the Department decide I can't come back? Should I be looking into a Plan B and start applying for another, permanent, job?

I just wish it would all end!

Almost packed...

At least I have something to take my mind off things for the next week - my "Walk of Witness" has finally arrived. Tomorrow, I will take an early bus to Hathersage to start my 80-mile wander around the Peak District (see the page "The Walk" on the menu to the right). It should give me some perspective at least - there are bigger and greater things in life than a PhD and I have to believe that God will accomplish his will in me with or without this qualification.

But right now, I just want to KNOW. Will I or won't I go back?

So it's back to the waiting room. Best foot forward...