So why does my first thought have to be How am I going to cope with the FOOD?!
It's hard to remember back to when I could go away completely spontaneously without giving the catering a second thought. But now, whether it is for a day workshop, a visit home, a holiday abroad...the food arrangements are always a source of worry. I veer between wanting to bring EVERYTHING with me including the kitchen sink, and wishing I could just turn up and accept whatever is on offer - like everyone else!
The main problem is my refusal to eat so many foods - pasta, rice, bread, potatoes, noodles - any starchy carbs in other words! As I am being put up in a rather nice hotel, I'm not too worried about breakfast; it's sure it be a better offering than toast and cereal. But lunch is always a minefield - will it just be rows and rows of polystyrene-like sandwiches? Will there be a TESCO nearby where I could nip out for a salad? Meanwhile, what to do for the evening meals? Unfortunately, avoidance has to be my strategy when it comes to formal dinners. Who knows what ideas and conversations I will sacrifice just because I couldn't face the food?
This time, I have adopted a compromise and bought a very select range of supplies, including fruit, a lettuce and some 'safe' ( calorie controlled) treats to help me avoid the dessert table. I hate being confronted with buffet tables groaning with sweet treats - all mocking me because I can't help myself with cheerful abandon. If I go over the limit I set myself...guilt guilt guilt ensues.
As for exercise...well, wouldn't it have been nice to have had a week off the gym, so that I could focus purely on my task with all my energy? But no. I still can't quite make that jump of going so long without exercise. My workout gear is in my bag, and I have been assured by the website that the hotel has a reasonable gym. As long as I am up at six, I should be able to fit in a workout before the breakfast meeting...and then a long , busy, tiring day on my feet that stretches into the evening. Why do I have to make things so much harder than they have to be?
Will I have this for all of my life?! Will I ever be able to go away without worrying about working out or eating?! This makes me feel unforgivably preoccupied with food - a greedy person that doesn't act 'normally'. But then again, recovering anorexics aren't the only people who might get anxious about uncertain catering arrangements. Those with allergies, fussy children, special nutrition requirements or who follow very particular diets ( such as the Paleo diet) may very well bring some supplies with them. So where does one draw the line between 'eating disorder' and 'taking a greater interest in their food'? Am I really so very different to someone who brings their own tea bags or coffee because 'the hotel stuff tastes rubbish'?
It wouldn't seem much of an issue except I still have over a kilogram to gain to meet my target weight. And if I am not there by my next doctors appointment, things do not look good.
I will let you know how I get on. Wish me luck and Thank You for reading!
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